The Invisible Pink Unicorn
(Peace Be Unto Her) (May Her Holy Hooves Never Be Shod)

Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great spiritual power. We know this because they are capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them. [Steve Eley]

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A note to the unbelievers or those seekers of truth who have seen Her:
The above images are merely representations of Her Pinkness and should not in any way be taken as a True Likeness.
As the Grand High Llama Rich Daniel has proclaimed "Dear Heretic, Only the faithful can see Her. 'Nuff said"

Summary of the Major Articles of Faith


The New Revised Amalgamated Standard Creed

We believe in One Unicorn, The Pink, The Invisible. Creator of Uncertainty, revealed to us in the alt.atheist usenet forum - She that Raptures Socks. She will smite those that mock Her brethren. Others believe baloney, we too will join the feast. We shall eat our fill, yea every belly shall be full of ham and pineapple pizza. Her Revelations show us the folly of all Religions. Spread Her Word.


Tony Lawrence : The Ten Commandments
(A Man recounts the decalogue to Her Pinkness.)

The IPU shook her mane and stamped her feet impatiently. Her Holy Nostrils flared. "Anything else?" she inquired of the Man who stood quivering in front of her.

"Um…" The Man was obviously nervous. He was not enjoying this conversation, and the IPU's growing impatience was not helping. "Um, yes, we are, um, not…" The Man paused and then continued in a rush, "not supposed to covet our neighbour's wife!"

The IPU snorted loudly. "That's rich!" she bellowed. "Now THAT ought to be an easy one for you insatiable little monkey spawn. I'll just bet!" she chortled.

The Man shuffled his feet and stared at the ground. A small slug was crawling slowly through the leaves at his feet. The Man wished he could crawl off somewhere else.

But the IPU was not finished with her interrogation. "You have missed one. I believe you said there were ten commandments, and you have only told me nine. What is the tenth, insignificant turd?"

The Man swallowed hard. Hands clenched, he gritted his teeth and raised his head. He stared into the flashing eyes of the Holy IPU. "We are tmf nthr ds for em".

"WHAT!" The Holy IPU fixed the Man in her regal stare. "Speak up, you ugly pink ape!"

The Man's hands were shaking and his tongue could not work. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Finally, eyes winced against the inexorable results, he spoke: "We are to have no other gods before Him." He closed his eyes and waited for the Fiery Breath to consume him.

Nothing happened. Cautiously, the Man opened his eyes. The Holy IPU was simply standing in front of him, and actually she looked more amused than angry.

"No other gods?" she asked. "As in, no worshipping of the One True God, Her Incredible Pinkness? No worship of ME?

The Man again found the slug to be the focus of his concentration. Something about its slow progress through the field encouraged him. The slug would reach its destination, and he, the Man, would also survive this day. The Holy IPU would not reduce him to a pile of cinders to be blown away by the summer wind.

The IPU spoke again. "Where is this Mighty One who is so jealous of Me?" she asked. "Have you seen Him?"

The Man looked at her once again. "I have not, but Moses has. The Lord spoke to him from a burning bush."

"Cheap carnival trick," offered Her Pinkness. "I don't suppose you've seen any tangible evidence of this Dude's presence, then. How about intangibles? Healing of the sick, bountiful crops, that sort of thing? Actually, I thought the harvest was pretty poor this year. Shouldn't your Pal have prevented that?"

The Man's face plainly displayed anger. He was well aware of the IPU"s refusal to even listen to entreaties for assistance. She didn't care if his people lived or died, and made it well known. Pleas for assistance were greeted with nothing but insults and laughter, if they were even entertained at all.

"There has been sin."

The Holy IPU raised her eyebrows. "Sin? Oh, how handy. Let me guess: I bet there's been some coveting, and some bearing of false witness, and perhaps some harsh words by teenagers to their parents, so conveniently enough, your Invisible Pal doesn't have to shower you with bounty. How beautifully done: set you up for failure, then get you to blame yourselves. I love it!"

"God is not Invisible. God is everywhere!" The Man was sullen, but was also remembering a certain bit of coveting that he was guilty of. He hated to think that it might be his fault that the crops were bad, but…

The IPU shook her mane, and looked off across the field. "Go away, Man." She spoke softly, even kindly. Usually her words were caustic, full of sarcasm and disgust. But now she seemed almost tender. No fire was in her eyes, and her hooves were not pounding the earth. "Go away," she repeated. "Go and pray to your invisible friend. Chastise yourself, and praise him. Punish everyone who will not join you in your delusion. Feel good about that, and believe that your Make Believe Buddy will reward you for your cruelty. Take his commandments, and rule your life by their words. Do not question anything, do not use your pitiful mind; simply give yourself over to this pathetic dream."

The IPU now looked sad. "You know, in spite of the fact that you are all incredibly ugly and hopelessly stupid, I had some hope for you." She paused, and looked again at the Man who stood before her, still afraid, but now confused by her inexplicable reversal of attitude.

"Things could have been different", she said, and then vanished in a puff of Pinkness.

The Man stood alone in the field. The last rays of the sun lengthened his shadow to where the IPU had stood. The grass was even now straightening up from the imprint of her hooves, and soon there would be no remaining trace of her presence at all. The slug had managed to move an entire pace away from the Man's foot. He stepped forward, bent down, and popped it in his mouth.

Gods suck, he thought as he walked back to his village.

The Book of the Prophet April

OK, so I, having too much to do already, had my imagination caught by the idea of formalised IPU stuff. Presuming far too greatly, I've even decided to be a Prophet. Move over, John Smith. So below is a sample. If I get enough positive email, or at least not too much "quit wasting our time" responses, I'll post further Chapters and make a real nuisance of myself.

Chapter 1

  1. Verily am I blessed among women, for I have had revealed unto me the Truthful Doctrine of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (Peace Be Unto Her).
  2. And this was the manner of it. For I was wandering and confused upon the beaches of A/sa/teague, when I was approached by a small and shaggy pony, which did attempt to eat the apple which I was holding. "Away," I cried. "Foul beast, would you steal the apple which is mine?"
  3. Then did the pony look down upon me, and spake: "Child, do you not know me?"
  4. And I said, "Verily, it is not my habit to consort with local wildlife."
  5. And the pony spake thus: "Quit it with the 'verily' bit, OK? Know, then, you ignorant heathen, that you are in the Presence of the One you have sought, but never found."
  6. And lo! the shaggy pony disappeared, and I felt myself to be in the Presence. And indeed was the Presence pink, and shaped like unto a unicorn. Yet such was the overwhelming nature of the Presence that I could not, in truth, look upon it.
  7. For indeed, my friends, it is for this reason that the great Pink Unicorn is called Invisible, and that is, that the Presence is too great for our small eyes to truly see, and too awesome for our small minds to comprehend. It is by our faith alone that we know her to be Pink, and a Unicorn.
  8. And truly those who say otherwise are heretics and unbelievers, and shall be cast into the Great Manure Pile where her Sacred Dwarves shall indeed nibble on their kneecaps for all eternity. And serve them right.
  9. Yet when I felt myself to be in the Presence I was afraid. And I cast myself face down in the sand and begged, "O Galloping Goddess, forgive me that I did not know you, and do not send me forth to eat lunch with your ancient foe, the Purple Oyster of Doom. For he will force me to eat pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, and I shall be most afflicted."
  10. And Her Pinkness proclaimed, "Do not be afraid, my servant, for you have been misled by the false prophets who quote Chapters and Verses of books which do not exist. And yet I have also revealed to them the Eternal Truth, and indeed have they mangled it."
  11. "And furthermore shall you know that it is fitting that I be celebrated by prophets who do not exist, in verses that do not exist, for books that do not exist. For my own existence is of a dubious and contradictory nature, and I like it that way."
  12. Then was I much confused, whereat I asked, "Then how, O You Whose Hooves Are Never Shod, shall I know how to behave myself, if even Your holy books are not to be believed?"
  13. And thus spoke She Who Is Pink, and said, "That is what I shall tell you, for I shall reveal to you the Truth, if you will just shut up and listen. And verily, get your face outta the sand."

Chapter 2

  1. And the Invisible Pink Unicorn spoke unto me, and said, "Write this stuff down."
  2. Therefore did I search my pockets, and came up with a bunch of 3x5 index cards, and also a ballpoint pen.
  3. Then did Her Equine Self touch the pen with Her marvellous horn, and lo! it turned pink! And I was much amazed, and began jotting down this account.
  4. And I said unto the Principle of Unicornity, "If we're going to be really appropriate, shouldn't this be in invisible ink?"
  5. Surely then was the Great One annoyed, and She spake, and said, "Do not be a wise-ass, my child, unless you want a hoof-print in your forehead. But, if you must know, when you post this to the Internet, which is the centre of My worship, then indeed shall the pinkness of the writing be invisible."
  6. Thus was I first afflicted by the terrible jokes of Her Invisible Pink Glory.
  7. And the Unicorn spoke again, saying, "Write this. First, know that there is not merely one doom reserved for unbelievers, but a Very Big Number. Therefore am I shown to be greater than any other deity.
  8. For who else can boast the Hell #655, wherein transgressors are punished by having to listen to the endless drivel of uncountable net.kooks?"
  9. "Who else can boast Hell #333, where fundamentalists are continually sawn in half by stage magicians?"
  10. "Oh, and note down that there is no Hell #666.
  11. For that would be too easy."
  12. So did I write all that down, and the Invisible Unicorn said, "Come again next week."
  13. And the Holy Writings on the Sacred 3x5 Index Cards in the Blessed (Invisible) Pink Ink were put in the Very Devout Plastic File Box, where I left them, buried in the sands of A/sa/teague.


The Gospel According to St. Sascha Kokott

  1. "If thou were to behold me thou wouldst surely die," sayest the invisible Pink Unicorn, "for thou canst not see both my pinkness for it is invisible."
  2. Then came one Bob of the Burger King, devout and of repute before the law the son of Ed, the TV repairman, son of Anderson the town drunk, son of Michael the shoeman.
  3. On this day Bob tempted her Excellency by attempting to view Her Pinkness' pinkness.
  4. Her Excellence was moved with anger: "How darest thou oh Man to view my pinkness I shall smite thee with bad spam."
  5. Then the Lord Goddess smit the Burger King with bad spam, and all of the inhabitants thereof had a Maalox night.
  6. But the people made prayer and supplications thereof, and the Goddess was pleased with the sweet odour of the bacon double cheeseburger with fries, she therefore made a proclamation:
  7. "I shall set my bow(tie) in the heavens that never shall I again smite Burger King employees with bad spam. For the inhabitants thereof may taste of my mercy and see that my invisible pinkness is all.
  8. I am the Invisible Pink Unicorn and there is not any other… I know not any."

Revelation Of The Lost Prophetess Of AOL

These revelations came to us in 1995 from the Religion and Ethics forums of AOL. We are searching for the Prophetess that brought them to us.

The Shrine of the IPU is the Laundry Room.

It is proved because, if you notice in your socks - you often find holes in them when you pull them out of the dryer - pierced by her horn during a visitation to your shrine - doubt it not!

Sometimes the whole wash comes out pink - a proof of Her Pinkness if there ever was one. It is said that She cavorts with one of her chosen Stallions in the midst of the spinning laundry. It is the afterglow of their lovemaking that imbues clothes with Her pinkness.

Also ye may know that ye have been especially blessed if you find that one of your socks has gone missing. Surely a sign from Her Horniness. If anyone questions why ye are missing a sock, simply reply "My Mistress had need of it." No one is certain what She does with the socks, but rejoice for ye were chosen to make this sacrifice.


Jerry Phillips' Revelation

And I Jerry was delivered into a deep pink cloud. Through the immaculate pinkness of this cloud I heard the voices of ten thousand Mr. Eds saying: "Glory! Glory! Glory! Thy pinkness is worthy of all worship! We will kneel before thy horn and forever sing thy praises! Only thou can lead us to the one source of lifesavers."

Suddenly I was standing before the golden tinted pink stall of his One Hornness. His One Hornness said to me, "I have selected you for my messenger. Listen closely for it will be your responsibility to deliver my rules to your people in cyber space." I fell speechless before his hugeness. I fell asleep and time passed…

His One Hornness told me of a future with computers weeping and wailing. I fell before the stall in full prostration. "What can I do?" He said: "Spread my pinkness." I am spreading his pinkness to all the world. My special calling is to create a prison ministry to deliver those behind bars. I will set them pink. Glory.

A note from the Most High Llama, Rich Daniel, Most High Priest of the IPU

Although everything in Jerry's vision is absolutely true and must be accepted without question by the faithful, one minor aspect of his interpretation of the vision is in error: He mistakenly assumed that the IPU is male.

We know She's female because, … well, the High Priestess says so. And, er, … Oh! Because all the visions of all the other prophets have been of a Unicorn whose divine character is the very essence of Femininity. In particular, Saint Angee Dyer always referred to the Galloping Goddess as female, and she's a veterinarian with sufficient personal equine contact to settle the matter.

Let me stress again that, although Jerry and all the other prophets are divinely inspired, sometimes the Goddess does not dictate the exact words of a revelation, choosing instead to allow the human vessels to express their visions in their own way. This adds character and human interest to the scriptures without detracting in any way from the Truth of the Message.


Magnolia's Revelation

After eating some pizza the other day I was flossing my teeth and thinking about the IPU (PBUH) and praising her pinkness when I suddenly stopped dead and began staring at my tongue. This amazing feeling of awe overcame me, along with a distinct minty taste.

The minty taste was from the dental floss, but the feeling of awe arose because I suddenly noticed that my tongue was pink. I realized suddenly that I was also incredibly horny. Now, think about this: pink and horny. Of what does that remind you? You've got it: the IPU!

I defy anyone to not find a part of their body that is pink. I defy anyone to admit that they have never been horny. Just one more sign in our daily lives of the undeniable truth of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (PBUH)!!


An Unknown Apostle's Revelation

I have been inspired by the IPU Herself to write this.

All hail in her Pinkish Hue! It has been delivered onto me, by the divine elven prophets that the IPU gave Her only begotton saddle, so that we may be free to join Her in the Divine Stables. (No one shalt write the words "Divine Stable" as it will surely result in death!)

She said onto me: "Whoever shalt eat my hay, and apply thy tongue to My salt-lick, shall be able to graze in eternal peace!"

She then gaveth me Her Divine Commandments: (She spoke: "If thou writeth Thy Commandments, Ye shalt surely DIE!")

1.Thou shalt not use spurs.
2.Thou shalt not be made into meat products and sold to schools for profit.
3.Thou shalt not lead us to water, for we will not be made to drink!
4.Thou shalt not worship any other color except Divine Pink!

Heed these words, it is written!

Miracles of the Invisible Pink Unicorn

Steven L. Preszler recounted:

I was driving from Sacramento to home with just a half tank of gas in my car. That is not nearly enough and since I didn't have any money or credit to buy gas, I decided to pray to the IPU for help. The IPU answered my prayers and I made it home with just enough gas to reach my driveway. The IPU worked in a mysterious way by allowing a big storm to blow a strong southerly wind up the central valley and bring large amounts of rain. This gave me a tail wind which improved my gas mileage enough to reach home. It appears that the storm that gave me such good gas mileage is going to cause wide spread flooding up and down the valley but I suspect that the people who will get flooded out are unbelievers living contrary to the laws of the IPU.


Holy Relics of the Virtual -Temple of the IPU

The Holy Sock of Bob

Doubly blessed by Her Horniness as it has been pierced by her Horn and has been imbued with her Pink Essence in the Wash Room Shrine of a small house in Long Beach CA. The Sock is reputed to cause outbreaks of Irrationality. Incredulity and expletives were in abundance when it was first discovered, especially believable as the rest of the wash was also Pink. More about Wash Rooms is revealed by the Lost Prophet of AOL.


A.X. Lias wrote:

Slightly tangential, but Rochell has advocated the existence of a Purple Oyster (of Doom). I think that Rochell was divinely inspired by Her Pinkness to reveal the name of the Evil One to us and that this should be admitted into Her Sacred Lore.

Rochelle Athey replied:

Andrew, verily I say unto thee that the most high and reverential Purple Oyster (of Doom) was brought unto the usenet by another prophet, not by me. However, Her Pinkness has revealed unto her lowly servant (myself) that the Purple Oyster (of Doom) is one of her lowly minions. He was cast out of her Pastures for the great evil of leading atheists everywhere into the heretical notion that pepperoni and mushroom pizza is more pleasing to Her than the Holy Pineapple and Ham.


Brian replied:

Yegads, the horror! Blame not Rochelle for the apostasy.

But it is foretold that someday, on the Day of Oats and Hay, the Purple Oyster (of Doom) will be reconciled with the Mare of Peace and bask again in her rosy glow. It is said that no feast can equal that feast, that pineapple and ham will flow like wind in the mane!

…but the pigs will be scared.

An Interview with the Grand High Llama of the IPU - Rich Daniel

Does the IPU really exist?
As much as god exists or Eric Draven for that matter. Take one horse. Paint it pink, put a horn on its head, make it invisible and you have an invisible pink unicorn. Does this mean its possible? Conventional Wisdom strictly forbids such an action. Of course Conventional Wisdom was sadly mistaken about the shape of the earth now wasn't it? The Earth didn't suddenly decide to become spherical in reaction to a popular poll. There isn't any proof that you can't have an IPU any more than there is proof that you can have one. If one is to deny the existence of the IPU one need to deny the existence of god, Santa Claus, truth in advertising, political reform, Jesus, and all other things that are intangible and not present on top of your terminal staring you right in the face at this moment. Can't have one or the other, this isn't the 31 flavours of philosophy. Accepting one implausible scheme such as waking up alive with all bodily functions still working requires that one admit that all other implausible schemes in the universe are possible. In fact the IPU is implausibility itself.
Is there a point to this?
Yes! The IPU is the cosmic guru of uncertainty. Since its invisible it can't possible be pink but it is. You're feeling uncertain right now aren't you. It is and it isn't at the same time. Normally only certain cats trapped in boxes with 50% chances to live could be and not be at the same time. The cat undergoes wave collapse but the IPU is beyond that. Its is both at the same time because you can't be certain what the hell it is, pink or invisible because you can't find it to check. Schrodinger was on the entirely wrong track with the kitty idea. The IPU isn't sure either since it can't exactly look in a mirror. It experience the essence of being pink and invisible at the same time. Such miracles are not easily come by mere mortal.
So is the IPU god?
No more than David Bowie. The IPU does not have demands of its followers. It does not demand tribute or place silly restrictions on their behaviour, dress, where they spend Saturday night, or what brand of Tequilla they consume. The IPU just is. Accept it believer since the most holy horn will not skewer you if you choose not to, in fact the IPU will do NOTHING to you if you don't choose to accept its existence. This is a non threatening religion, we have quite enough of the threatening kind already.
Where did the IPU come from?
Legend has it that someone on alt.atheism quipped that god(tm) was as logical as pixies or invisible pink unicorns. A certain someone was tickled pink (so to speak) by the idea and decided to start a new religion based on an invisible pink unicorn. This of course is merely legend and rather silly. The IPU has existed always and always will exist as the true incarnation of all that is invisible, pink, horny, and uncertain in the universe. The unicorn is responsible for all the uncertainty in the universe. It causes quantum particles be completely indeterminate, it makes the actions of Mother Nature mysterious, is responsible for an infinite number of strange and unpredictable actions and makes a damn fine tequilla sunrise. In the beginning when some furry guy in a white robe said 'let there be light' the IPU lit a clove from it. The holy smoke from the original clove defracted the light and started the random motion of light which for some unknown reason looked more than a little like Salvador Dali. Thus was born uncertainty.
So like the IPU is kind of like, uncertain?
While the IPU is the embodiment of uncertainty he/she/it/? certainly does not like stupid or fluffy people. Nor does the IPU like people who pretend they have all the bloody answers and you're just too blind and one of these days you'll pay for your lack of faith unbeliever. Hence the IPU does not require faith but exists regardless of doubt as there simply isn't a way to prove that it doesn't exist. As its invisible one can neither say its pink or not pink or something else entirely so it's entirely uncertain that its pink. If it wasn't pink it wouldn't be the Invisible Pink Unicorn now would it?
Why a unicorn?
It's 1000 times cuter than a purple assed baboon (apologies to W. Burroughs) and much more uncertain. Just because you haven't seen a unicorn dosen't mean they don't exist. I haven't seen quarks, electrons, or Peter Murphy for that matter, but I still accept their existence even though I have no direct evidence for their existence. Unicorns are special creatures which exist seemingly in the imagination but there isn't any reason they can't exist. Horses with horns in their foreheads who can only be approach by virgins are perfectly logical, their existence has not been confirmed yet.
How can one believe in the IPU?
Simple. Do so. Its not that difficult. Accept the IPU as something that exists. There isn't a way to deny its existence without denying the existence of all that cannot be directly observed by one's own sensory organs. Taking into account optical illusions, LSD, and dreams for example one can easily see how fallible even these means of observation are. There really isn't anything you can put your trust into. The people who most want to tell you that they can be trusted are those you can least afford to do so, sales representatives, politicians, insurance agents, and religious figures.
You're a religious figure, can I trust you?
As far as you can throw me. As I'm a skinny gothy type this depends on who's doing the throwing. Again its a matter of personal preference. I could be totally insane and spouting lies, or one of the most rational people around or both at the same time. There's always the chance that the Invisible Pink Unicorn is indeed sleeping at the foot of my bed and drinking my wine. Its a matter for one's personal consideration. The IPU is uncertain. It cannot be logically shown that the IPU exists or doesn't exist as much as you can tell if I'm lying or not. Most mundane heads would have exploded by now but if your cranium is still intact is it up to you gentle reader to ascertain the truth of the most holy Invisible Pink Unicorn.
This doesn't make sense.
That's the idea. The IPU doesn't make logical sense but neither do the laws of physics. They make sense to cult members who undergo a lengthy initiation, namely physicists. Nothing in the universe makes sense, the IPU is merely the first being to be honest about it. The universe just is, only logic makes us act in strange ways. Logic is what starts wars, causes misery, starts famine, and makes a really bad cup of tea. Rejecting logic is the first step to enlightenment. Logic is what tells you to cut your hair, buy sensible shoes, that your aspirations in life are a BMW, things from The Sharper Image catalogue, and that wearing velvet, lace and lots of mascara is a silly idea.
Are there any religious tracts?
Yes. The entire truth of the universe were inscribed on the sacred tablets of the IPU by the IPU itself. Unfortunately the tablets were comprised of the purest cubic zirconium and any attempt to read them using a light source results in blinding refraction effects that would sear the retina through welding glasses. Needless to say they're impossible to read and the IPU wasn't paying much attention to what was being written down and is struggling to remember. Oh well. You've seen one universal truth you've seen them all.


Peter Kirby wrote:

Thanks to Natalie and Stix for showing me that witches and god-bashers are nice people too. :)

Thank you, sir. (I think. :-)

"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Bah! That's pretty sick stuff.

I've taken that verse rather personally for a while now. Fortunately for me, I've yet to encounter anyone who took his or her beliefs that seriously. :-)

Well, for a week I cried, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, and my grades plummeted. (That's psychology - not "God's wrath" or something!) God is dead. (But I am feeling better, and I really appreciate your support.)

I'm very glad to hear that, and I'm sure others are as well. I was kind of worried; you made your announcement and then disappeared. :-)

As you've already found, it does get better after the initial shock. I didn't have to face that when I became an atheist, but I did deal with it when I stopped being a Christian in 1992. For a little while I didn't want to have anything to do with anything, and then it was all I could do to keep from rushing headlong into another religion to fill the gap. It was hard, and I'm quite sorry to hear that it's been difficult for you as well.

Are there any initiation rites? Magic words? And where do I get that cool EAC decoder ring? ;)

The good news is that the five-year waiting period quoted elsewhere is exaggerated; I've got a ring, and I've only been an atheist for 2½. We will want to wait a little while before we give you entrance into the Evil Atheist Conspiracy, though, just to make sure your new ways stick. :-)

I'm fighting not to go back.

Is it much of a struggle for you?

With regard to initiations, the Holy Logical Faith does have a ceremony where you pledge to renounce the Purple Works of Oysterdom and serve only Our Galloping Goddess evermore. Are you interested? :-)

Yes, yes! Tell me more! :-)

Basically, what the Great Pledge accomplishes is that you become one of the Invisible Pink Unicorn's Very Own Special Spiritual Children. What happens is that you are asked if you reject the Purple Oyster and all his works, and if you will strive against His Viceroy on Earth, the Visible Chartreuse Unicorn. If you do, you are then asked if you believe in the Goodness and Equinity of the Invisible Pink Unicorn as outlined in the Big Golden Book O' Atheism (Newly Revised Standard New Revision (Second Edition)).

If you agree to that as well, then you pour yourself a beer. (Most of us believe that Dr Pepper is also acceptable; other options can be investigated by the High Council on Orthodoxy upon request.) You then drink, and know the love of Our Divine Equine. Be sure to daub a bit on your forehead to mark your communion with Our Lady of the One Horn.

Afterwards, you go out and partake of the Most Holy Round Meal. Which sort depends on the sect that you join; I myself am a Pepperonist, but there are many Ham-and-Pineapplists in the Holy Logical Faith as well. Of course, the Pepperonists are the only ones who are right, but I'm willing to admit that my misguided brethren are Her Buddies too.

Any questions? :-)

Strong or weak atheism and why do think that is the better position?

Which one do you feel more comfortable with right now?

I think I'm strong with regards to personal gods. "Man made God in his image. Contrary remains to be proven." As for a creator in general, I'm weak, although I consider it pretty unlikely as the idea of "god" in general is anthropomorphic.

Then go with it. :-)

Best of luck to you.

Thank you very much.

We're all pulling for you, kid. :-)

Blessings in Her,

Natalie Ramsey



Leo Toribio said:

I came seeking Enlightenment. Just as my epiphany was about to occur, weakling that I am, I happened upon the link to Her Filliness' image, I succumbed to temptation - and clicked mightily, expecting to find nothing! Once I beheld the Image, my faith was shattered. How can I believe what I have seen with my own eyes?

GHL Rich Daniel replied:

O ye of little faith! If thou hadst but the faith of a road apple, thou wouldst know that the image thou sawest was not the true Unicorn but merely an artist's conception of Her Inner Being, such as Michaelangelo painted of that upstart impostor Yahweh, who is even more invisible than Herself (having existence only in the minds of his poor mis-guided followers).

For a penance thou must give all that thou hast to the Foundation for the Preservation of Unicorns, Bigfeet, and Other Very Rare Species. Repent!



Bryan Hayward wrote:

As far as Her Galloping Grace the IPU is concerned, I quote from Hoofprints 4:14 (by the prophet Ixian):

Yea, and I was given by inspiration that She was next to me, and I could touch Her, being the loyal servant, and I laid my hand upon Her mane, and She was Pink. She was not pink, She was not colourless, but She felt Pink, and I was thus overcome. I awoke later with a hangover, but I knew She was yet Pink, but invisible.



A.X. Lias wrote:

Then there is Kazoo 6:73

"For her Pinkness is such that it transcends pinkness. Yea, it is beyond the ken of man or mind to comprehend, but we shan't question it for it is the doubter than shall be skewered upon Her Sacred Horn, like unto a shish kebob."



Scott Horne asked:

What contributions have Her prophets on 'alt.atheism' made to IPU (PBUH) lore? Someone once reposted (at my request) the original Testament of Her Pinkness, translated from Her invisible golden tablets by one terrestrial unicorn-in-training whose name I cannot recall. I claim responsibility for "(PBUH)" ('peace be unto Her'), which indirectly revealed Her gender to the

There is also the fact that her pink invisibleness sustains reality as we know it. From a message in days gone past:

Benjamin Franz replied:

How can you doubt the self-evident fact of the Invisible Pink Unicorn? Would not all reality fail if it did not exist? (Proof) For it says right here in the Book of Invisible Beasts and Lovely Equines (Unicorns chapter 2 verse 34) "For I (the Invisible Pink Unicorn) am the sustainer of reality." (sic) Obviously if there were not the Invisible Pink Unicorn we would not be here.



Not a bad notion. I'll contribute the fact that there appear to be several IPU hells, including the Pastures of Short Grass and High Manure and the place where Her Sacred Dwarves spend eternity biting the knees of evil doers. There's also the various names I've heard her called, including (my favourite) Our Galloping Goddess, Her Pinkness and She Whose Hooves are Never Shod.

Her book is, of course, The Big Golden Book of Atheism.

The ultimate proof of Her existence is that even atheists are willing to worship her, (albeit mainly for the tax breaks).

* As far as Her Galloping Grace the IPU is concerned, I quote from Hoofprints 4:14 (by the prophet Ixian): Yea, and I was given by inspiration that She was next to me, and I could touch Her, being the loyal servant, and I laid my hand upon Her mane, and She was Pink. She was not pink, She was not colourless, but She felt Pink, and I was thus overcome. I awoke later with a hangover, but I knew She was yet Pink, but invisible.



Mike McAngus wrote (in response to a posting by 'Rick'):

Oh ye of little kumquats!! She (not it, Rick) is transcendently pink! May She forgive you all!

I went back to my NIV (New Interstellar Version) Big Golden Book of Atheism, and it definitely says "MEGA-pink" (emphasis is in the original).

A.X. Lias replied :

You're using the NIV! Great oyster balls, man, no wonder you come up with this drivel! As any true Unicornist knows, the only true Big Golden Book 'o Atheism is the New Standard Revised Standard Revision, which is a direct translation from the original Yadda Yadda. The only good thing I can say about the NIV is that it's considerably better than the King Ralph version, but that's hardly saying much.

Open your eyes and smell the road apples, Mike, before you do yourself irreparable spiritual harm.



Yang wrote:

I feel that there must be a rite of initiation for the newly unbelievers. And in my spiritual state did it come to me. Her Holiness the IPU (pbuh) showed me the true history of IPU church she meant PISS UNTO HER not peace be unto her. I think the miraculous transsubstantiation of white wine into Her Holiness the IPU's equine urine should be used to baptize the new initiate.

GHL Rich Daniel replied:

Hay, sounds like a fantastic idea! Lucky for us, we're not new initiates, hmmm?



An Unknown acolyte wrote:

I am writing an actual Bible for the IPU, And it's even a serious work. However, I am an AOL member, and I seldom check the net; this is my first time looking for sources for IPU information. So, I was wondering, can you either list me the essential attributes of the IPU and/or direct me to a concise list of Her known (or generally agreed upon) history? From this, I hope to be able to learn some new things, and to confirm what I already do know.

GHL Rich Daniel replied:

Well, it's rather difficult; the Galloping Goddess has an infinite number of attributes, and all of them are essential -- otherwise she would be less than perfect. But I'll mention a few to give you the flavor:

  1. Invisibility.
  2. Pinkness.
  3. No matter how it might seem to our puny human intellects, there is no contradiction between (1) and (2). It's a Mystery that only the High Priestess (currently Natalie Ramsey nee Overstreet) is allowed to fully comprehend.
  4. The more self-contradictory She is, the more She exists. So even if there were a contradiction, between (1) and (2) - which there isn't - it would just prove beyond any doubt that She really does exist.

There are some who say the IPU was preceded by a whole herd of unicorns prancing inside the walls of houses, but that is a mis-translation. Any Usenet archives to the contrary are dirty lies invented by the evil minions of the Purple Oyster of Doom (piss be unto him).



An Unknown acolyte wrote:

I was thinking if we made a bible about the pink unicorn, and then made pamphlets which supported the philosophical and scientific justification for ipu's existence then we could be using mirror tactics to show xtians exactly what their faith is based on. Mere hearsay. It would be great… you could actually pretend to be an ipu believer and carry around an ipu bible (pink of course) and then try to disprove apparent contradictions. etc..

GHL Rich Dabiel replied:

Mirror tactics? Hmm… If the IPU looked in a mirror, would She see Herself? Being omnipotent, She must be able to see Herself, yet being Perfectly Invisible, She must be Invisible to everyone at all times, even Herself. Yet a mirror image is not the thing itself, and need not be invisible to fulfill the letter of the Book. Perhaps you have found the answer to the riddle of how She can be both Pink and Invisible at the same time!!!

On a related issue, how many unicorns can prance on a mirror without breaking it?

And if the Pink Princess of Perfection broke a mirror, would She have 7 eternities of Perfectly Bad Luck? Being omniscient, She must know what bad luck is like, yet no one can really know what it's like without experiencing it first-hand, therefore She must have gone through it at some time. Could it be that this is one of Her Bad Luck Universes?


A.X. Lias wrote:

Let's assume that it's the Cthulean god. Everybody gets to sizzle regardless of faith. Let's assume that it's the IPU. Turn's out she only lets in people who don't base their beliefs on faith. Now it's the theists who sizzle and the atheists who rejoice in Her Sacred Pastures.


Part of the definition of the IPU is that the more self-contradictory She is, the more She exists.

Please, everybody, add more dogma here. Then we can vote on what's true, just like the early Christian church. And remember that the dogma needs to be inconsistent.

Maybe we can create a big schism on whether the IPU is truly both invisible and pink, or only truly invisible (obviously, since we can't see Her), and metaphorically pink?

How about an IPU version of Credo?

The IPU is both invisible and pink. Once you learn to hold and accept both points in your mind, despite the fact that they are mutually contradictory, you will have come a long way towards a true understanding of The Way.

Scott wrote:

That's not what the Tillyites say!

I believe the Reformed Tillyites hold that the IPU is invisible, but if she ever did manifest herself she would be pink; while the Orthodox Tillyites think it's all hooey and believe in some other deity altogether.

This is not complex. She is invisible to those unbelievers who have not accepted Her yet. But those who believe in their hearts clearly see Her in Her pink Splendour.

I have heard that certain mind-altering substances make belief an easier state to achieve.

It is in the Equestrian Creed that Her Holiness is Horse the Invisible Horse the Pink and Horse the Unicorn and that she is all of these united in one. Furthermore that her Pinkness is equal to Her Invisibility and to Her Unicornness. This is opposed by the Equians who believe that Her Pinkness is greater than Her Invisibleness and Her Unicornness is open to question as theologically unsound. They are a small minority though.

Some property of the IPU renders her invisible. Were we able to see her, some other property of the IPU would make her appear pink. Both properties are in play, but the former "cloaks" the latter.

And it must be so. To see Her in the true glory of Her Pinkness would devastate any mere mortal.

Hold on oh misguided one! Scott was sort of correct but you are way off! She is invisible to unbelievers but her believers see her in her pink glory!!! And are not destroyed!!!!

Actually, She's "invisible pink" which is entirely different from merely invisible or merely pink or even invisible and pink at the same time.

NONONO! As it was written by the prophet Watzizname (Wat. 6:9), Yea, her pinkness is to normal pinkness as infra-red is to red. Yea, her pinkness is to normal pinkness as ultra-violet is to violet.

Yea, the pinkness of the IPU (MHHNBS) is MEGA-pinkness.


Splitters! It is omni-pink.

How about this: I am offering one million dollars for the head of Piers Anthony for writing blasphemous novels about unicorns. [Disclaimer: I hope you are all able to recognize sarcasm when you see it…]


BTW, we all know that there is only one IPU, and that She is Two, and the Two is one, and that she never passed kindergarten. Thus spoke the prophet further Mo' 'Ahm Mad, in Glue and Dogmeat (8:15).


Any worthy IPU-ite knows that Christians are going to go to heaven where they have to sit around all day singing praises to their lord and master, instead of gamboling about in Her peaceful green pastures. Naturally, we will do a lot of weird things to get them to see the pink, like, well, playing frisbee and stuff like that. I'm not exactly sure how that is supposed to help, but that is what the IPU (pbuh) says, and it is kinda fun, so why the hell not?


I'm writing from Brazil and I want to join the Invisible Pink Unicorn Confrary. All my life I look at the sky and wait for a sign, but it was just near me. So close that I can touch with my fingers. Just in my PC. From today I see the Invisible Pink Light.

Well, I must say, you have better eyes than I do; I only saw Her once when She was horsing around and fell in a mud puddle. Better get back to work. I hear Dainty Silent Hoofbeats coming toward the stables.


IPUry was a polytheistic religion until the IPU (PBUH) sent Her daughter Gina to witness to `alt.atheism' about the Invisible Green Pastures in the Sky. But when Gina haughtily invoked Her holy Mother's power in an attempt to bring down the entire USENET, the former was removed to the Fields of Low Grass and High Manure and never heard from again. Many IPUites subsequently converted to atheism.


As I recall from the hazy past, there was a whole herd of IPUs, and that they lived inside of the walls of buildings.

Yeah, but they didn't just live there, they pranced!

When did the IPU mythology get merged with monotheism?

About a year ago.

No, actually the IPU created the universe last Tuesday, and just gave us memories of polyIPUism. She did that in order to test our faith in Her.


Man has always sought after the IPU, only we've been perceiving Her imperfectally. Now that She has revealed Herself to us, we know the Truth with certainty.


Her Holy Horniness is "All P in K", where P is the magic prancing and K is the… but I dare not say…


I'll contribute the fact that there appear to be several IPU hells, including the Pastures of Short Grass and High Manure and the place where Her Sacred Dwarves spend eternity biting the knees of evil doers. Theres also the various names I've heard her called, including (my favorite) Our Galloping Goddess, Her Pinkness and She Whose Hooves are Never Shod. Her book is, of course, The Big Golden Book of Atheism. The ultimate proof of Her existence is that even atheists are willing to worship her, (albeit mainly for the tax breaks).


Don't forget the Incredible Stench. Or something like that. Was it of her Holy Dung? I don't remember the details (even tho it was first revealed to me… obviously it's amnesiac in effect).


Actually I think he was merely an alternate prophet interpeting the IPU in his own way. See, one day these golden plates appeared, and on them it was written that the IPU is not in fact invisible, but rather it is capable of switching between forms such as Human and Firefly. The the IPU (pbuh) manages to make herself seem as if she's invisible by innocently switching to some overlookable form such as a firefly. Then the great prophet Anthony went forth writing his tracts to convince other IPUists to switch to his denomonation. He plans to move to some far away place and start his own state and his own university, probably somewhere near Florida. There he can gather all the Morfmans together to live their own way. (The name "Morfman" denotes "A man who believes in the IPU's divine Morphing powers.") (For the intellectually impaired: This is sarcasm.)


That's funny- in my debates with the droolers, I used the analogy of 30 foot tall, invisible yellow parrots as the designers of the universe. It's a funny thing: they never really got the analogy at all. My asking "Can you prove there aren't 30 foot tall invisible yellow parrots" got responded to with "I know there aren't," rather than the proper response: "Can you prove there are 30 foot tall…"

You know, there's an old film: Plan 9 From Outer Space. At the end, a self proclaimed psychic named Criswell asks: "Can you prove it didn't happen?" It's a shame so many people take that film's viewpoint to heart.

And the most annoying thing? Not one person asked me how an invisible parrot can also be yellow!