“M’yu,” Yukiko asked quietly, her head lowered as she sat at the end of Miyu’s bed, “Wynn still loves me, doesn’t he?”
“Of course he does,” Miyu was surprised at the uncharacteristically serious tone of the smaller girl’s question.“We all love you, but you’ll always be Wynn’s favourite – he simply adores you. Why do you ask – has he said something?”
“No,” Yukiko answered, “but — ” she lifted her head, then let it fall again, “ — I saw him cuddling Michjo in the night.”
“Oh, I see,” Miyu had known the two boys were lovers from the moment Wynn introduced Mihhaelo upon his return from holiday, and they were now living in a home that included a young girl who would not necessarily understand such relationships, but had anything happened to upset that delicate balance? Perhaps such a disruption was inevitable regardless of genders, and it was only luck that had prevented it from happening sooner. “Why were you up at that time?” she inquired as if the matter were of no importance, so as not to imply it was Yukiko’s fault and therefore make her feel guilty.
“I needed to go downstairs for some water. When I came back up there was a funny noise coming from Wynn’s room, and I saw him hugging Michjo.”
“He hugs you as well,” Miyu hoped the incident was as simple as had been described, and was glad when the younger girl’s eyes lit up in remembrance, “because Wynn is a very affectionate person, and you’ve said before how much you like it.” She opened her arms, and once Yukiko had moved along the bed to rest her head against Miyu’s shoulder, she asked in an effort to fully understand the situation rather than to apportion any blame, “You saw them from the landing?”
“No,” the younger girl admitted, “I had to open the door, but only a little bit. It looked so pretty in the candlelight, but I didn’t go in, I promise.”
“It’s all right, I believe you, and I know you’re not used to having the bedroom doors closed, but there have to be some simple changes now Mihhaelo is living with us. Once they’ve said good-night and gone to bed, or even if you see their door closed during the day, if you think of their room being like bathroom, where you always have to knock first, then that should be all right. You know Wynn thinks of you like a little sister, so you’re one part of his family, and now he has Mihhaelo to love as well, but it doesn’t mean he likes you any less.”
“Michjo must have been very hurt,” Yukiko said in a pensive tone. “Wynn was cuddling him really hard, but he was still crying.”
Miyu’s barely audible sigh was more a reflection of her concern for the younger boy’s evident history of suffering than as a measure of her relief, “Mihhaelo left home because he was very unhappy there, and Wynn was comforting him because he knows what it’s like. He won’t stop loving you because he loves Mihhaelo as well – people can love more than one person at the same time, but in different ways, just as I do with you and Wynn, and Amar. You needn’t feel left out, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
“No, it’s not that,” she replied, though she did not seem very sure of herself.
“I’ll have a chat with Wynn, and then he can tell you how he really feels about you – would you like that?”
Yukiko nodded silently, obviously pondering on what she felt, and had just been told.
Miyu knocked on the open door of Wynn’s room, glad Mihhaelo was reading downstairs in the lounge. “Hi, do you have a moment?”
Wynn nodded as he looked up from one of his large study books lying next to his laptop computer on the desk, his interrupted sleep betrayed by the clear skin beneath his wide grey eyes being slightly darker than usual, but when he saw the thoughtful look on Miyu’s face he left his desk to sit on the bed, and patted the space beside himself.
Miyu took Wynn’s hand in her own, “You know when you came to stay with us that we said this room was yours, and nothing’s going to change that, so the last thing I want is you thinking that we’re trying to tell you how to behave, but now that you have Mihhaelo living with you things are a little different.”
“I said we’d be careful, and we have been,” Wynn quietly protested his innocence. “You might have seen us steal the odd kiss or two, but that’s all.” He frowned, though the motion was one of puzzlement rather than annoyance at what could have been seen as an intrusion into his personal life, no matter it was from someone who only wanted him to be happy, “Is that what this is about?”
“It could have been, but not this time – Yukiko saw you holding Mihhaelo in bed last night. I know you haven’t done anything wrong, because she admitted opening the door when she heard him crying, but I think she’s a little worried you don’t love her now that you have Mihhaelo. I told her that people can love in different ways, but it may be better if you reassure her that Mihhaelo isn’t a threat.”
“A threat?” he was genuinely shocked. “I must admit the thought never occurred to me. Perhaps I have been a bit wrapped up in things recently, but Mihhaelo is still so vulnerable. I know he’s a bit nervous around you all, but he is very happy here. It’s just…” Wynn sighed, “…he’s been through so much, and it just breaks my heart to see him try and keep it all in. It’s not that he doesn’t trust any of you, but he’s still not used to being near so many people, and he’s only slowly learning that not everyone is out to hurt him.”
“You really do love him, don’t you?” she smiled, and was glad for Wynn’s own happiness. “It’s a pity Yukiko isn’t a little older, but she’s so innocent even for a nine-year-old, otherwise we could probably just tell her the truth.”
“I’ll go and see her now, otherwise she’ll wander off to do something else and leave it simmering in the back of her mind, which won’t do her any good if she’s already feeling a bit insecure.”
“Thank you, she’d like that. I’ve already told her about knocking in future, so hopefully there won’t be any more incidents, but if there are we’ll just have to deal with them, and it’s no different from me bringing back a boyfriend – assuming I had once, I mean – but I don’t think she understands that, either.” Miyu stood to leave, then sat down again as Wynn spoke in a quiet yet serious tone.
“If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell anyone?”
“Of course, you know you can trust me, but surely if it’s a secret you shouldn’t be telling me at all?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t, and I’m not betraying anyone’s confidence, but I meant it’s to be between just the two of us, at least for now, though it’s bound to come out sooner or later.”
“If you want to, then of course I promise. It’s about Mihhaelo, isn’t it?”
Wynn nodded, and his voice was low and sad, yet tinged with an unaccustomed anger, “He’s been badly scarred, Miyu, and I don’t mean injured emotionally – God knows that’s apparent for anyone to see – but he has real scars on his shoulder-blades. Someone has whipped him for years, and it looks like they’ve ripped the wings off an angel…” Wynn’s voice faded to a whisper, and it was obvious he was holding back tears.
“I had no idea,” she put her nearest arm around his shoulders. “Who could have done such a thing?”
“I have a very strong suspicion, but I only asked him once, and the mere mention of it made him so distraught that I knew I could never ask again, only wait for him to tell me when he was ready. Despite how my own parents treated me as a child – how they behave now is entirely different, of course – they would never have contemplated anything like that, and whenever I was really hurt they’d comfort me, whereas Michjo…” Wynn sighed in remembrance of the fragile creature he had encountered that evening. “When we first met, it took ages for him not to flinch from the most innocent of touches, as if such a simple thing was instantly associated with pain, and I’ll swear he’s never been hugged just for the sake of it, as a natural greeting, never mind the supportive way you’re holding me now. He’s never felt human warmth – I mean the emotional contact as well as the purely physical one – and as for anything more intimate… it’s been done solely as an expression of power rather than love and mutual pleasure, without the other person even getting anything from it, because he’s never known that both people are supposed to enjoy it. It makes me so angry that someone would do that, and at the same time it frightens me that someone really did.”
For a few seconds, Miyu was genuinely at a loss to know what to say. “But he is getting better,” she tried to reassure him, “and it’s all because of you. When Mihhaelo arrived he was almost like a hunted animal who was scared of anyone who wanted to help, whereas now he’s learning to trust us, so perhaps he just needs more time in which to trust himself as well.”
“You’re right,” Wynn knew that her analysis matched his own, then he sat up. “I’ll go and see Yukiko now.”
“How’s my little snow-princess?” Wynn kneeled down and then sat back on his heels so his face was almost level with Yukiko’s.
“I’m all right,” she answered, though it was clear from her voice that she was not being entirely honest – not in a duplicitous manner, but simply because she was herself unsure of her own feelings.
He took one of her hands in his own, “I know you saw me holding Michjo last night, but you mustn’t feel bad, because it’s nice that you were worried about him, but what you saw was no different from any of the others seeing me hugging you. You like it when I hold you, and Michjo does, too. It’s just that… you know how you feel when you’re really hurting?” Wynn tried to explain things as simply as he could. “Sometimes it’s not just a scraped knee or a splinter in your toe, but it can be so bad you want to curl up into a ball because the only way to make the pain go away is to try and make yourself disappear as well. That’s what Michjo feels a lot of the time, and last night was very bad for him. I was holding on to him so he knew that someone cared, and he could come back to us.”
“He cries inside as well?” she pulled a sad face.
“Yes, someone hurt him very, very badly, and I’m helping him get better. Not just me – all of us are.”
“Then we have to make him happy,” Yukiko smiled, then she frowned slightly, “but he never wants to play with me.”
“I know, because he doesn’t know how to, and it’s not your fault, so you mustn’t blame yourself. I want you to know that I’ll never stop loving you, even though I have Michjo to look after. He lives here now, but that doesn’t change what we have between us, do you understand? I still have a lot of studying to do, but I’ll make time to watch some cartoons with you this evening, and tomorrow afternoon we can go to the park for a while, have a look at the peacocks and herons, and see if there are any more rabbits.”
“Yes!” her eyes widened in delight.
Wynn leaned forward to kiss her cheek, “I’ll look forward to it.”